walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
