Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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