walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
