so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
