I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
