THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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