I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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