One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
