I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
