so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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