Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
