At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
