I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
