i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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