I can't watch pbs sober anymore
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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