Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Drunk is not a location!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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