Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
