I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
