My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
