Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
