He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
