Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
