He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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