3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
