I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
