rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
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