I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
