Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
