Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
