So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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