Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
