My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
