God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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