I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
