I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
