First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
