what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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