I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
