he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
