I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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