so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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