Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
