i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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