Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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