someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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