You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
