I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
