I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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