there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
