I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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